May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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