I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
