TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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