is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
