hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
