I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
