eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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