You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
