Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
