i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
