I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
