I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
