My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
