I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
