I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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