i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
