Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
be right there i have to get my cape
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
God I need to hump something, right now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
