my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
