I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
