i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
