i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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