I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
