Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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