you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think I sprained my soul last night
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
