He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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