well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
