I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
