i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize