dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
