soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
