Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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