Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
