i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
