is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
