Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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