you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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