Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize