I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
