the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
