It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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