i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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