farters have to be the big spoon...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
