why didn't you poke me back
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
