im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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