How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
