I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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