He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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