see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
