just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
