forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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