like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
