he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
