Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize