I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
