When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
