a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I could make wine with my vomit
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
