omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
