hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize