I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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