giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
