Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
