A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she told me i tasted like america
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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