Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
