Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
