They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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