drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
