i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
