And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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