I wanna passion pit in your ass
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
