I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
