Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
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deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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