you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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