I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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