I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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