I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
