If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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