Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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