real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
