I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
